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I figured I’d let you know that I actually ended up downloading the first episode of Bates Motel thanks to iTunes.
It… isn’t bad save for that part where the crazy dude broke into the damned house and took advantage of Norma… I just… that made me uncomfortable as fuck and I had to look away @.@ I know that nothing is really explicitly shown, but… aidlfjsk X.x
Er… aside from that, I think that it’s good. I think that the show’s got potential and, if I can, I’ll watch the next episode on Monday. If not, I’ll stream it from somewhere.
It's just...I've been giving serious consideration to killing myself for the past few days. Like, I feel like I'm running out of reasons not to. I don't know what to do anymore.
I would tell you not to do so. I know that people give reasons like “oh, it’s selfish of you” and “well think about x, they’d be sad” (given, people would prob’ly be sad if you killed yourself) and I’m sure that there are other things people say, but I cannot think of anything else.
Still, I’d advise you not to do so. Not because people will miss you (though they will, it’s kinda just a fact, no matter how much you think they’ll be better off without you or something, they will still miss you), not because you’re selfish (trust me, you aren’t), not because I’m better than you and you should listen to me (everyone, to me, is generally on a level playing field, therefore, no one is better than anyone else), no.
You should be here for you. You should strive to make yourself feel better and to put yourself first and you should always make yourself happy. You come first, as does your happiness and everything else about you. everyone else should come second. Doesn’t matter if you’re religious or not, because if you’re not treating yourself right, then no one else should be put before you, not even any sort of god/s.
I know that it prob’ly feels as though you’re at the end of your rope. Trust me, I know how that feels and it’s terrible. And, again, I don’t want to say things get better or worse because I can’t see into the future. If I could, that would be amazing and I’d prob’ly be out helping everyone I could. Alas, I can’t.
Regardless, it’s a terrible feeling. That feeling where you think you’ve done all you could and you can’t figure out any reason to stay here. But, keep chugging along. I know that that’s prob’ly a terrible thing to say, but just keep going.
Like I said to the previous annon, make goals. When you meet those goals, do something nice for yourself. The goals could be small steps, like improving the way you live, saving up to move out (putting a little bit of money away from a paycheck, if you work, is always a good idea in general), trying new things (like food or a new activity like hiking), improving your health or your environment and the treats could be simple like getting something you’ve had your eye on or going out to the movies or just having a day off and go and explore the world that day.
I’m not one to sit here and be bossy, s’not what I’m here for. But, It would be awesome if you’d reconsider and try out things. And, Annon, I want you to be strong. I know that it might be quite a task, but please try. *hugs*
And, I’m here for you, regardless. You, and anyone else, can come to me at any time and I will most certainly try and get back to you asap! I will try to be as helpful and nonjudgemental as I can and you’ll always have my shoulder to lean on if you need it.
Different anon, but I needed to tell someone. I’ve been daydreaming about death a lot mo. Lately than I have in years. Right now is the longest I’ve gone without relapse. It’s taken me so long to get where I am and I have worked very hard to get here. But I feel myself slipping more and more each day, sometimes by the hour. I dont want to disappoint anybody, but it’s getting so hard to exist. I’m, so tired. I don’t want to give up, because I’ve come so close to it I know the next time will work.
I feel that I’m ending up as a broken record by saying “do something creative instead of thinking about it” >.>
Though, I’m going to be honest: you can’t please all the people all the time. You should be pleasing yourself and making yourself happy above taking care of other people because you come first. So, you’re going to prob’ly disappoint some people.
That being said, I commend you for being strong enough to not have any urges until recently. I would hug the hell out of you in general, really.
But, I kinda know the feeling? Though, whatever you do, don’t give up. I know that people say that giving up is weak, but that’s just silly talk from people who’ve got too much pride or from people who have been conditioned that they have to be the best and anything less is giving up and, therefore, weak.
You can be weak and still be an amazing person and a strong person. But, as long as you don’t give up, it’ll be fine in the grand scheme of things.
Set goals for yourself. Have them be small goals at first, but be proud when you reach said goals. Give yourself treats (like a nice day out or buying something you’ve had your eye on) if you meet your goals or go X amount of days/week/months/etc. without thinking of dying or self harming or what have you.
But when you think of it, go out and run or go bike or go make a video or go to the park or go do something that can potentially take your mind off things.
I hope that this helps *hugs* I feel like I could have added more but my mind’s blanking a bit :c
It's actually almost entirely self defeating. Drinking helps me cope, except it in turns makes harming harder, which makes me have to do even more to hurt myself, which makes me want to drink more. I'm sure you can see where this is going.
Well, yea, it’s that weird cycle of “well, if I do x, I think I’ll be less inclined to do y” and rinse and repeat…
Though, and this won’t be easy, next time in stead of drinking or trying to self harm, possibly do something I suggested? I mean, it’s your choice and I’ve no right to force you, but I don’t want to see you keep harming yourself :c
And, if I were there, I’d totally just hug the hell out of you because you prob’ly need it :c
In the past two days I've harmed more than I did in the past two years combined. Same as previous anon.
I… feel as though this is not the person I was thinking of. Regardless:
Annon, come here and let me hug you D’:
I know nothing of self harming as I’ve not done it (damned near got close, though), but I’m not going to tell you that it’s wrong to do so.
As I’ve said, there are other things that you can do, other outlets and such (reading, writing, taking a walk, etc.) that you could prob’ly do that are healthier than self harm and I’d suggest taking a look at trying that over self harming.
I understand that it’s not easy to get over that urge and that it rather easy to say “Hey, you should do x instead of hurt yourself,” but do try to do something over self harming…
Regardless of what you choose, I’m always here for you. And I’m here for anyone else that needs someone to listen. I’m not here to judge you for anything that you do, save for a few lawful exceptions, but it’s rather unlikely that anyone has committed a grievous crime.
Still, I’m here for you, Annon *hugs*
2, 4, 9, 14, 22, 38, 39, 42, 43, 49, 51, 70, 87, 96, 99
2) Got into a real fight?
4) Tried to commit suicide?
No, but I had thought about it in the past >.>;
Not particularly :p
22) Get jealous/envious easily?
Depends, but I’m much better about it than I had been about a year ago >.>;
38) (be honest) Do you judge people who think differently to you? (seriously, be honest)
No, we’re all free to think as we please, even if that means some of the things we think about go against other peoples views :p
39) Long hair OR short hair?
Girl: Longish, I guess? Though, it really depends
Boy: It depends, but generally short :p
42) Shy OR open?
I like people who are open with me, but shy can be cute :3
43) Eyes OR body?
Oh god, I really like eyes :3
49) Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?
Most prefer the quiet stay-at-home type as I’m not much of a partier
51) Drink alcohol until you were drunk?
I got a little tipsy, but never too much where I was drunk
70) Sleep naked?
I wish D:
87) Go to outer space OR Go all around Europe?
Go all throughout Europe :3
96) Rather be the opposite gender?
There are times :p
99) What band do you hate the most? Define your reason.
… aside from the teeny boppers, Creed. I have an immense amount of hate for Creed and I have no idea why :l
diagnostic criteria for AN includes intense fear of gaining weight, a refusal to maintain body weight above 85% of the expected weight for a given age and height, and three consecutive missed periods and either refusal to admit the seriousness of the weight loss, or undue influence of shape or weight on one's self image, or a disturbed experience in one's shape or weight. There are two types: the binge-eating/purging type is characterized by overeating or purging, and the restricting type is not
(I’m not sure if you’re the same annon, but I’m lumping these together >.>;)
Not eating when you’re depressed is pretty common and doesn’t constitute anorexia. I only say this because I could see people with anorexia getting upset with you for using that term when, if anything, it sounds like you would like to eat more, whereas with anorexia one fears eating because of the fear of weight gain.
Ah, well then, that clears some things up >.>;
and I’ll try to refrain from using anorexia, then, and substitute it with malnourishment
I've seen you repeatedly say you have issues with anorexia. However, everything you've said about your eating habits suggests that you want to eat food but are prevented from doing so. If anything, you've indicated a desire to gain weight, which is the complete opposite of anorexia where one has a distorted body image and fears gaining weight. I guess that just confuses me. Because it does not seem the proper term for what you're going through. It sounds more like neglect and malnutrition.
It’s kinda that vague term I use, I guess? If there’s a better term, feel free to correct me, but I really don’t know @.@; I guess that it would prob’ly be malnutrition, but I’m not a doctor, so I couldn’t tell you exactly what I have >.>;;;;
I don’t eat much as it is. I would love to eat better, don’t get me wrong, but…
There are reasons why I can’t >.>;
One major reasons is granny. She eats everything. She will even take the food right off of your plate and eat it right in front of you. Or, she’ll sit there and stare at you until you give her some food. Or, she’ll take whatever you were going to eat that night and eat it then get mad at you if you call her out on it.
So, unfortunately, the variety of foods I can eat and not worry about being taken away isn’t very big…
But, when I get depressed, I don’t eat anything. Nothing. I don’t even usually drink anything, either. And, when depressed, I could go days without eating anything or drinking anything.
I know recently I was like that >.>; I felt so worthless so I figured that if I wasted away to nothing that it would be fine…
But, I’m going to be honest, I am a bit uncomfortable in my own skin. I want the ability to gain weight and keep it on instead of knowing that I can lose ~10 pounds in a week. I don’t mind that I have big hips and thighs and I rather like the fact that I have small boobs and a few other things about my body, but…
The things that I’m uncomfortable with is the fact that you can see my ribs every so often and that I have a flat stomach because I don’t eat much and that my hips bones kinda stick out a bit >.>;
And sorry that I kinda went off on a little speel >.>;
*TW* victim blaming, slut shaming, rape apologism, rape culture, rape
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